THINGS I WILL NOT DO
by The Dragonaire
Summary: Get behind the halarious secrets of our fave cats! See them list their deepest most halrious moments, updates coming soon!Includes: Misto, Munku, Tugger, Ecetera, Rumpleteazer, MungoJerrie and Macavity. Plz R&R!
1. Moments of the only Tux

**A/N: FIRST FANFIC. So don't keel meee!!!! cowers**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cats. But I can dream can't I?**

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THINGS I WILL NOT DO

**CHAPTER ONE:**

**MISTOFELEES**

I will not set Tugger's mane on fire and claim that I'm just suffering from Pyromania.

I will not attempt to talk to the cat clock on the wall.

The fact that I was a kitten has nothing to do with it.

I will not help Mongojerrie and Rumpleteazer with their plots.

No matter how fun it is.

I will not send Macavity love letters claiming to be from Munkustrap.

Putting things in Munkustrap's milk is bad.

VERY BAD.

Scratch that, EXTREMELY BAD.

I will not have dreams of myself continuously stabbing Tugger and laughing insanely.

I will not change my name to "The Great Mistofelees"

Or "Mistofelees, The Godly One"

I will not buy Coricopat or Tantomile a 20 Questions ball.

IT READS MINDS.

Which is very creepy.

I cannot dub myself "King of Awsomeness"

I will not run around screaming "MACAVITY"

No matter how much fun it is.

I will not create plans to rule the world.

Even if it was Rumpleteazer's idea.

I will not change the sand in Tugger's litter box into quick sand.

I will not randomly attack babies.

Getting your head stuck in something doesn't mean you can get it out.

Creating a bike and making it invisible and riding it does make me look cool…

…but people might question my sanity.

I will not sit in puzzle boxes.

This for sure will not make a puzzle of myself.

I will not convince Plato that Persian cats are evil.

And plan to rule the world.

Because Rumpleteazer and I have that down already.

I am aware that all that moves is not deadly.

I will not switch the Jellicle Ball music to High School Musical songs.

Even if it does work.

And the reactions are hilarious

I will not sit in a box and shoot grapes at the kittens.

I may not afterwards tell them that eating grapes will make a grape vine grow in your stomach.

I will not tell Tugger that it's the end of the world when his hair brush goes missing.

And secretly crack every mirror in the Junkyard to prove the point.

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A/N: Yosh, thats my first fanfic, if it's horrible, tell me calmly and don't "pounceth" me plz. 'Cause claws + Face Pain. Which is not fun. Next up: Well.. haven't thought bout that yet! Suggestions? 


	2. What Happened Here? Everything!

**A/N: Dude, like, OMG!. Fans so totally rock! Thank you all! **

**Disclaimer: No matter how much I beg, plea or grovel to T.S. Elliott I cannot have Cats, cause he is dead. wimper**

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**THE RUM TUG TUGGER**

I am aware that randomly pouncing into an open spot of Jellicles and saying "Meow" seductively doesn't mean that they will say "THE RUM TUG TUGGER IS A…" like they are my little adoring fans.

I cannot have "I'm So Sexy" as my theme song.

I am aware the world doesn't revolve around me. (holycrap!reallyitdoesn't?!)

Running around with a cape on doesn't make me go faster.

Or give me magical abilities.

Unless it was one of Misto's capes.

Then the possibilities are endless.

Not that Misto has any capes.

Or _had_ any capes.

I will not rank queens by their height and flirt with them in that order.

I will not force the kittens to create me a throne and fan me with leaves.

I will not try to add "sexy" at lest three times in every sentence.

I will not cry because my hair brush is missing.

Or that every mirror in the junkyard is broken.

Or when my hair gel is gone.

I am aware that McDonald's does not serve cats.

Which sucks big time.

And it does not help to bite Ronald McDonald on the foot out of anger either.

Taking spherical objects and throwing them does not mean Pokemon will fly out.

Even if you say "Pikachu! I choose you!"

I will not sing "Lonely, I am so Lonely" while Misto sits around moping about Victoria.

I cannot create my own fanclub about me.

Running around in circles repeatedly does not enable me to fly.

Neither does jumping off a two story building.

Whether I have that cape on or not.

I will not go up to some random Jellicle and scream "WWAAASSSUUUUPPP????" to them

I will not tell people that I do in fact wear makeup.

And have had cheek implants

To both ends.

I truly hope no one finds this.

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**I hope you all liked it!**

**Coming up...erhh... Ideas?!**


	3. The Life and Crimes of well, This Guy!

**Thankies to you all who gave me a good review! You all are awesome!**

**:3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cats. I wish I did though. :(**

**Note: No disrespect to those who are britsh or "Gangsta" I just needed to take advantage of Mungo's accent. Please don't flame and/or report me, I did not try to make it an insult!

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**MUNGOJERRIE**

I will not run around saying "Hey, wanna go jack someone's house?"

Leaving diagarams of robbery of plans is not good.

I will not attempt to talk in a British accent.

Because truly, no one would notice.

Even if I used words like "Poppit", "Cheerio" and "Mate".

I will not try to use a very American accent either.

This still would be something no one would notice.

Unless I went Gangsta

And used "Yo", "Home slice/skillet", and "Homie".

I will not fall into traps when out thieving.

Or just act stupid and put myself inside a Tupperware container.

When this happens I will not start screaming "ITSATRAP!!!"

I will not bet with Tugger to see who could get the most hugs by Queens.

Or make up excuses to get them like saying all hugs will be proceeded to the "Insert Random Amount of Letters Here" (Not that I needed to)

I will not stick any Jellicle's paw in warm water when they are sleeping.

Even if it's hilarious.

I will not run around with a hose screaming "AAAHHHH ATTACK OF THE WATER SAAAAKKKEEE!!!!!!"

I will not run around with a torch and scream "Help us help you! BURN ELMO!!!"

I will not do this with Barbie either.

I will not play with Barbie dolls either.

Or jump someone when they call them dolls.

Because they are action figures!

Once I get a date from Bombalurina I will not run around screaming "ALRRIIIIIGGGHHHTTT I AM TRULY A MAN NOOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!"

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Hope y'all liked it!

Up next : Munkustrap!

laughs insanely


	4. Wh00t! INSANITY! and, well, Catnip

**Omg, I had way too much fun writing this.**

**Dislaimer: Must they torture me so? with these diclaimers? I don't own cats.

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**MUNKUSTRAP**

I will not threaten people that I will kill them in their sleep.

I will not start randomly rolling around on the floor laughing.

I will not start singing High School Musical Songs.

Particularly "Bop To The Top"

I will not go on top of a pile of trash with a thing of Catsup and Mustard and spray the Jellicles passing below.

I will not follow Plato around for two hours, just to kill time.

I will also not ask him if HE is stalking ME once he turns around.

I will not go up to Bustopher Jones and ask him if its twins.

I will not run through the junkyard screaming with a straight jacket on.

I will not have Misto dress up in a white lab coat and run after me with a clipboard in his hands.

I will not go up to Bombalurina and hold her hand, once she asks me what the heck I'm doing I will not say "Oh, wait, you're not my mom!"

I will not walk around singing "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming!"

I will not buy a label maker and type things like "I Suck" on them and stick them to passing Cats' heads.

I will not go up to a random Jellicle and put my face to theirs, and scream at the top of my lungs.

I will not have a loud argument with my imaginary friend, Bobert.

I will not stare at one of the Jellicles just to see how long it takes them to notice.

I will not keep staring after they notice either.

I will not go into the beetle position and whimper.

I will also not say "Make it stop! Make the voices go away!"

I will not draw stick cats dying in various and malicious ways

I then will not label them with names of the Jellicle's around me

I will not start doing the rain dance.

I will not continue to do this until it rains.

Non-stop.

I will not draw faces on each of my fingers and have a party.

I will not hit my self on the head and say "Will all of you just shut up! SHUT UP!!!!"

I will not start rocking back and forth and uncontrollably twitch.

Once someone asks me what wrong I will not respond with "Cat Nip? CAT NIP? What cat nip? No I haven't had any cat-nip, not me. No not at all no catnip for me No Why would you think that?"

I will not accuse other cats of being "One of _them." _

I will not attach a piece of paper that says "Plaid" to my chest and tell every passerby that I am the one and only Plaid cat.

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Oh.

Mai.

Gawd.

I am totally insane.


	5. Obsessive to the extreme

**A/N: Finished with a stomach ache and on mother's day!**

**Happy Mother's Day y'all!**

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**ETCETERA**

I will not scream whenever I see Tugger.

I will not sell maps to where Tugger's home is.

I will not attempt to add "Tugger" at least three times in every sentence.

I will not follow Tugger around and take pictures

And once he notices I may not tell him that I'm just scrap booking.

I will not create obsessive videos and put them on Youtube

I will not try as hard as I can to get a clip of Tugger's mane.

I will not send Tugger love letters.

I may not do this with an e-mail either.

And once he files a restraining order, I will not sit and poke him.

I will not stalk Tugger.

Cheya, riiiggghhht.

I will not ask Tugger for his autograph.

And once I get it, I will not frame it.

And if I was to ever shake hands with him, I would clean it.

Or…not.

I will not walk around humming Tugger's song.

Da-dum-bum-ba-da da-da-do-do-do Meow.

I will not create a shrine in the name of Tugger.

I will not stare at his butt every time he canters by.

I will not scream when I do this either.

I will not brake into Tugger's diary, either.

I will not Meow seductively when he walks by either.

I will not pounce anyone who looks at his butt besides me.

Stupid Bombalurina!

HE'S MMMIIIINNNEEE!!!!

I will not proceed to do Voodoo on a Bombalurina and/or Demeter doll either.

YOU LIKE THAT?!!!

MESS.

WIT.

ME.

Continously stabs

Bwahahaha!!!

I will not lay off the catnip either.

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Another.

Chapter.

is.

Coming.

Soon.

Victim: Message for request!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Otherwise I shall sick my army of stick people with Bazooka's and Evil Gay Pac-mans.

And you won't get another Chapter.

So there!!


	6. Not this again

**Ack! Finals are near! Sorry this one took so long...it's kinda short too. I didn't die you guys. I've been drawing alot lately and working on other stories and studying. So here it is! **

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**RUMPLETEAZER**

I will not ask Misto to help me make plans to rule the world.

I will not help Mungo burn Elmo

Even if it is the Furry Red Demon Child.

I will not go rampaging through Mungo's Barbie collection either.

This may not include snipping off their hair, taking them apart, or writing all over them in sharpie's.

I will not imitate Misto.

Especially when he does something stupid.

I will not scream every word that comes to mind.

These words may not contain anything that is considered a "No, no"

When I want something I will not pout and cry in a mad fit.

Or when Santa Paws didn't get me that spy set I wanted…

I will not sit in front of Mungojerrie and laugh when he gets himself stuck in a Tupperware container.

I will not tell people that I in fact have a tattoo.

I will not tell people where it is either.

I will not rename Misto.

Or call him Jenny and Jenny Misto.

I may not do this with any of the other cats either.

I will not be Mungojerrie's Gangsta posse.

Or wear pants that look like they are suffocating me.


	7. For the Love of Martini's and Catnip!

**I know you all have been waiting for THIS ONE.**

**SORRY IF I OFFEND ANYONE WITH THIS. **

**I 3 emo people. I'm slightly sorta kinda emoish. But I DO own a Hannah Montana CD. **

**MESSAGE ME OR REVEIW ON WHO I SHOULD DO NEXT OR YOU WILL GET NOTHING.**

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**MACAVITY**

(Wh00t! It's about ME.)

I will not become/be emo.

No matter how cute I look in Chick pants.

And eyeliner.

I will not cry uncontrollably.

CAUSE THOSE MEANY JELLICLES RUINED MY PLAN AGAIN!!! –sobs-

And slit my wrists over that.

I will not hold poetry slams at my head quarters either.

And create poems about "The produce aisle"

Or the meat department.

Or any part of the Grocery store, for that matter.

I will not run around singing Fall out Boy, Panic! At The Disco or My Chemical Romance songs.

I will not do this with Hannah Montana songs, either. (IT'S THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS –Dances around in wig-)

I will not attempt the make lists on ways to kill someone or myself.

I will not sit in front of a mirror and scream for no reason.

I will not practice my maniacal laughter, either.

I may not use erasers to rub down my fur/skin.

I will not go crazy with hair dye.

Again.

I will not randomly burst into a line of curse words.

I will not go out drinking.

Nor will I start singing "The Burning Ring of Fire" and sway.

While drunk.

I will not fulfill my destiny and become a stripper.

Nor will I dance on top of tables.

God, I REALLY need to lay off the cat nip and Martini's

I have learned that book clubs are LAME.

I will not blast music for no reason.

I will not menacingly stare at an I-cat.

And when it meows I will not jump five feet in the air.

I my not pierce my body in more than two places.

On my ear.

I may not get tattoos either.

Because either my fur would fall off or it wouldn't show up at all.

Which would suck.

Big time.

That is all

–bows-


	8. Me? A pinup? Nooorly?

**I'm sorry it's short!**

**But I do not own cats.**

**The end.**

**I would write something worth reading here but I'm falling asleep.**

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**THINGS I WILL NOT DO**

**CHAPTER 8**

**BOMBALURINA**

I will not show people my Macavity shrine.

Or my Tugger shrine.

I will not be an obsessive fangirl over either.

Oh…

…too late.

I will not stalk.

I will not allow people to read this.

God, I hope no one finds this.

I will not give lapdances at the local strip-club.

I will not impersonate Rhianna.

Or Beyonce.

I will not act confused whenever someone tells me "Green is not a good color on you."

I will not tell people that I hide and dye my hair.

I will not mix up the colors.

Again.

Because green REALLY isn't a good color on me.

Or blue.

I will not walk around singing "But it's Better if You Do" by Panic! At the Disco.

Only people who have heard the song would get that.

When Munkustrap switches our songs, I will not try everything to get Sharpay.

When I do get this part, I will not act like a dog, either.

I will not be taunted by people about my dog impersonation.

I will not join Munku in any of his antics.

Picking a fight with Demeter is a BAD idea.

Switching anyone's Cocoa Puffs with Bunny 'Presents' is not a good thing.

But still funny to watch.

I will not allow The Dragonaire to write anymore.

Because she is slowly falling asleep.

And it will turn into crap if she writes and further.

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I'm sorry it's so short, guys!

I'm falling asleep at the computer.

YOU MUST SUGGEST MORE IDEAS.

Otherwise you get no more.


	9. I'm sorry, guys :c

An unfortunate event

An unfortunate event.

Yes, this is The Dragonaire, and I am sorry to say that I WILL NOT be continuing this.

Yes, you may all rip and shred on me, but I'm sorry. Fanfiction isn't my cup of tea.

I wrote this like, a billion years ago, and haven't updated in forever.

I DO STILL WRITE, THOUGH.

You can check me on Mydeardiary, as Toxipene, and on DeviantART as Bowtiezz.

;hides from millions of pummeling e-mails;


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